God-centered relationships: Learning from Jonathan and David
Jonathan and David's relationship is known as one of those "golden rule" pictures. Everyone knows their relationship was great. We know that our relationships with our friends at many times aren't great with negative conflicts, accusations, reconciliation problems, assumptions, trust issues, miss-communication, and the like.
This article aims to help us see and pick apart principles Jonathan and David did in their relationship that promoted the pursuit to obey God more and to use these principles to live out for God’s glory. This article’s focus is on our close Christian friends.
Most of when we see David and Jonathan’s relationship in action is in the passages below. I encourage you to read them if you have time.
1 Samuel 18
1 Samuel 19
1 Samuel 20
Lets look at some pictures of their relationship and pick some of the principles within them that would characterize a godly relationship. Not only that, but also barriers and lies we believe that discourage from living like it. One principle I kept seeing a lot in their relationship was:
Giving ourselves and our things to our friends so they can be better equipped and encouraged to know and follow God. Not just taking from others like a leech which isnt a healthy relationship at all, but manipulative.
(1 Samuel 18:3-5) Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. 5 And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.
Its interesting in verse 3, The writer describes Jonathan’s relationship with David as “he loved him as his own soul.” It wasn’t simply said that Jonathan loved him like that, his actions showed it. This was shown by giving up things so David could be better equipped to fight for God and His people. We see one small reason why David was successful, he was better equipped by Jonathan’s help.
This may not seem as a big deal, because Jonathan was the King’s son, so he was naturally richer and more well off that it would of been easier for Jonathan to give things away. But, here is a passage in 1 Samuel 13 that describes the greater extent of giving those things to David.
(1 Samuel 13:19-23) 19 Now there was no blacksmith to be found throughout all the land of Israel, for the Philistines said, "Lest the Hebrews make themselves swords or spears." 20But every one of the Israelites went down to the Philistines to sharpen his plowshare, his mattock, his axe, or his sickle, 21and the charge was two-thirds of a shekel for the plowshares and for the mattocks, and a third of a shekel for sharpening the axes and for setting the goads. 22So on the day of the battle there was neither sword nor spear found in the hand of any of the people with Saul and Jonathan, but Saul and Jonathan his son had them. 23And the garrison of the Philistines went out to the pass of Michmash.
So according to this, Jonathan and Saul were the only ones in the nation of Israel to have the a strong sword, because the Philistines prevented them. It wasnt a common luxury to own a sword. So this is the very sword Jonathan gave up to David. His only sword. This was definitely a sacrifice for Jonathan.
Jonathan really was thinking as if he were David himself. David was to command and lead men into battle against the Philistines. He could just go into a battle with a sharpened stick, but it would be a lot more helpful and effective to fight with a real metal sword in battle. Jonathan knew this and gave up of his stuff to ensure David was more equipped to be more obedient to God in the place he was in. If you continue reading, David’s military life really pushed forward the promise God made concerning David that he would be king over Israel. Because of Jonathan’s love and giving for David, God’s agenda for Israel was pushed forward.
The gospel promotes and encourages the principle of giving up ourselves for the benefit of others.
(Matthew 20:26-28) “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, 27 and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Jesus the source of our new life and joy, even He served and gave up himself so we could have eternal life with God forever and not death like we deserved and ask for. He saw our need to be rescued from our evil state and fulfilled the need himself, by being slaughtered instead of us. Jesus wants us to imitate this lifestyle with our relationships for His glory.
For us, what could this principle look like. I think helping our Christian friends with the four spiritual disciplines can help progress and equip a Christian. The four being: Evangelism, The Word, Fellowship, and Prayer. What could we give up and sacrifice so people could be better equipped? Time? Money? If they dont have a bible, could we buy one for them? This is very convicting to think about.
What about the gospel itself, how could we help ensure that our Christian friends are continuing to run to the gospel for their source of value, purpose, and identity? How can we give up ourselves and things to help this happen?
A second principle that David and Jonathan had in their relationship was this:
The passionate pursuit of spreading the greatness of God and His plan. Not spreading the greatness of ourselves and our plan, which sets us as god.
(1 Samuel 20:30-34) 30Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, "You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness? 31For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die." 32Then Jonathan answered Saul his father, "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?"33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him. So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death. 34And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.
For a little background on this passage, David is convinced that King Saul wants him dead, as he really does. Jonathan the son of Saul as a good friend is trying to figure out if this is true and why. The only thing that David has brought is good: Winning battles for Israel, helping Saul with calming music, love for God, and respect for Israel’s leadership. Usually there would be a good reason for a King to kill. Rather, Saul is jealous, immature, and wants David’s recognition himself, so he would rather murder David rather than give honor to God and David.
Jonathan risks his own life to ensure the safety of his friend David by confronting his dad about this. Saul is convinced that David through an imaginary popularity contest is against Saul and the kingdom of Israel. Now he thinks Jonathan joined David as well. So he tries to kill his own son at this point. Jonathan and David were both pursuing and working for spreading the greatness of God by being obedient to God and his kingdom. This was through relinquishes God’s enemies and establishing the rightful King that God planned. They were indirectly against in this example, Saul, who was pursuing to spread Saul’s greatness and his own plan. Saul fought to continue to be the king of Israel after God already promised another family would be king. Jonathan knew that God wanted David to be the king of Israel (see 1 Samuel 16:1-13) as did Saul, but Jonathan pursued to promote it so that God’s kingdom and plan would be advanced, even at the risk of his life and his relationship with his father.
The passage below shows us the jealousy that stirs up in the heart of Saul as David becomes more popular.
(1 Samuel 18:7-11)7And the women sang to one another as they celebrated,
"Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands." 8And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, "They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?"9And Saul eyed David from that day on.
10The next day a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand. 11And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, "I will pin David to the wall." But David evaded him twice.
Saul so wanted for David to lose his popularity that he wanted David dead and even tried numerous times. This is what Saul wanted, it was his plan, “I will pin David to the wall.” He was playing the role of being god. Now to see how this relates with us.
This is our own tendency and constant temptation in life. We think that we deserve recognition for things we do and if someone has more then us, they should be replaced with us. Even for good things, like spiritual disciplines (word, prayer, evangelism, fellowship). We want more recognition for doing those things and creating popularity contests with other people in our minds and hearts. This is not God-centered, but man-centered worship.
(Galatians 6:14) May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.
The way to counter this is to believe the cross and its truthfulness. We shouldnt see our recognition as supreme or something to boast in. But rather Jesus, who showed his greatness by dying for us and raising to give us his good record.
A last principle to focus on here:
Trusting our close friends through transparency, accountability, and doing what we promised for God’s glory.
(1Samuel 20:1-17) 1Then David fled from Naioth in Ramah and came and said before Jonathan, "What have I done? What is my guilt? And what is my sin before your father, that he seeks my life?" 2And he said to him, "Far from it! You shall not die. Behold, my father does nothing either great or small without disclosing it to me. And why should my father hide this from me? It is not so." 3But David vowed again, saying, "Your father knows well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he thinks, 'Do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved.' But truly, as the LORD lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death." 4Then Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you say, I will do for you." 5David said to Jonathan, "Behold, tomorrow is the new moon, and I should not fail to sit at table with the king. But let me go, that I may hide myself in the field till the third day at evening. 6 If your father misses me at all, then say, 'David earnestly asked leave of me to run to Bethlehem his city, for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the clan.' 7If he says, 'Good!' it will be well with your servant, but if he is angry, then know that harm is determined by him. 8Therefore deal kindly with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of the LORD with you. But if there is guilt in me, kill me yourself, for why should you bring me to your father?" 9And Jonathan said, "Far be it from you! If I knew that it was determined by my father that harm should come to you, would I not tell you?"10Then David said to Jonathan, "Who will tell me if your father answers you roughly?" 11And Jonathan said to David, "Come, let us go out into the field." So they both went out into the field.
12And Jonathan said to David, "The LORD, the God of Israel, be witness! When I have sounded out my father, about this time tomorrow, or the third day, behold, if he is well disposed toward David, shall I not then send and disclose it to you? 13But should it please my father to do you harm, the LORD do so to Jonathan and more also if I do not disclose it to you and send you away, that you may go in safety. May the LORD be with you, as he has been with my father. 14If I am still alive, show me the steadfast love of the LORD, that I may not die; 15 and do not cut off your steadfast love from my house forever, when the LORD cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth." 16And Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, "May the LORD take vengeance on David’s enemies." 17And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.
This is a longer portion, but I felt that the principles were throughout 1 Samuel 20. David and Jonathan communicates a lot about the issues with Saul. David is really honest with Jonathan, showing a fight for better trust. David says here that Saul is wrong to kill him, David will die if left unsettled, if David is guilty then Jonathan should kill him, and Saul is hiding all this from Jonathan. Jonathan could of not believed him, but really tested them later this chapter. He was a trustworthy and faithful friend, who literally saved his life. David also fulfilled a promise Jonathan asked, by not killing his family for what Saul did.
Now to look at how to live in light of this. When we think about our relationships with our close Christian friends, Trust is a must in a relationship. If there is no trust, how could we share about problems and shame in our life that could lead to repentance?
For accountability, do we care enough about spiritual lives to make steps to grow in obedience to God. To challenge ourselves and have our friends keep us to the challenge helps push foward ourselves with the help of others. Jonathan was willing to do anything to help David. Being willing to confront your friend for the sake of holiness is avoided many of times, usually because it will be hard. But, if we really love the person we will do it, because we want what is best for them. Jonathan confronted his dad for the sake of his friend David and God, this convinced Jonathan that David was right and so Jonathan continued to help him.
When we make a promise with our friends, we must fulfill it. Because, if we dont we are really separating the trust amongst friends.
(Titus 1:7-9) 7For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, 8but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy,and disciplined. 9He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Disciplining and controlling ourselves is a great character trait to obtain, because its one of the requirements Paul wants to see in Christian leaders. So we should get our relationships to help us in it.
I hope and pray that these thoughts wont become a checklist or a “Oh no something more to do”, but a true desire to pursue these principles because we love Jesus, want to know Him more, and want to have relationships centered around Him.
